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the-lion

Delete this at your Peril (hilarious email exchange) Part 4

 

From: Bob Servant
To: Jack Thompson
Subject: LION PICTURE
Jack,
Greetings my dear, dear friend. Jacky, there seems to have been
another misunderstanding. I looked at the website that is listed on
the photo of the lion you sent and it belongs a Boston-based author
and nature lover.
“I’m Tony Northrup. I live with my wife and cat in Woburn,
Massachusetts, which is about 8 miles North-West of Boston”, he
states quite clearly on his site.
Now Jack, I’m not sure if I can see the connection between yourself and Tony. Perhaps you sent the wrong photo?
Bob


From: Jack Thompson
To: Bob Servant
Subject: YOU MISUNDERSTAND
Hello Bob,
You are getting this all wrong Bob. I didn’t say that was the exact
lion, I only gave you a clue on how the lion I will send looks like. If
you want to see the exact lion I will send you must give me time to
take it and scan it.
So Bob my friend you don’t need to worry over this. This is Africa
and you well know these animals are sufficient here. My brother
even rears a cub that’s a baby lioness in his house, so Bob expect
the lion’s photograph later today. You haven’t said anything about
the money I asked for? Have you spoken to your bank? I don’t think
£1,700 should take long to send?

Thanks,
Jack


From: Bob Servant
To: Jack Thompson
Subject: OK, I get it.

Hi Jack,
Thanks so much for putting my mind at rest and letting me know
what a lion looks like. I have seen them in the past, in books and
suchlike, so already had a fair idea but you have really helped me
out there. For example, I had it in my head for some stupid reason
that lions wore spectacles.
I look forward to seeing the photo of the actual lions. I just
popped my head over the garden wall and had a word with Frank. He
was busy cleaning out his Flamengo cage but he did say that he is
very, very excited about getting hold of these lions. He has asked
me to pass on a few questions –
Are they male or female?
Are they in good physical decision?
Do they talk?
Thank you my friend, and don’t worry, I have booked in to see the bank manager tomorrow morning,
Bob


From: Jack Thompson
To: Bob Servant
Subject: URGENT
Hello Bob,
Hope fine.
Answer to the questions.
1.   The lions are all male lions and are very healthy.
2.   I don’t think I have ever seen a lion that talks.
I don’t know if you are also interested in leopards cause my friend
works in the Government Zoo and he could find a leopard for you?
Remember to speak to your bank tomorrow.
Thanks,
Jack


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From: Bob Servant
To: Jack Thompson
Subject: Leopards
I have spoken to Frank. He will take two leopards as long as they are
friendly, and one elephant if you can get it? Frank is sure that he
saw a talking lion on the television once. He thinks it was either on
Songs of Praise or Bullseye. He says it reminded him of Jim McLean,
the old Dundee United manager. Are you sure you can’t get one?
I am going to the bank in two hours,
Bob


From: Jack Thompson
To: Bob Servant
Subject: URGENT
Hello Bob,

Hope fine. I can get you two leopards. They are both not adults. I will
try and see if the elephant will be possible and will see what I can do
for the lion. When you are back from bank mail me and tell me when
you are sending the money.

Thanks,
Jack.


From: Bob Servant
To: Jack Thompson
Subject: The Full List
Jack,
How are you my friend? Frank just called, he will take the following –
4 lions, 2 leopards, 1 elephant, 1 alligator, 2 parrots, 1 hedgehog.
I said you might be able to get the two leopards and the elephant.
How are you looking for the rest? And, of course, the talking lion?
Frank has a good few quid. He’s worked for me on various bits and
bobs and I’ve always looked after him so I think we should put our
necks out on this one and make sure the lions talks.
Bob


From: Jack Thompson
To: Bob Servant
Subject: URGENT
Hello Bob.
From your mail I will only be able to get

4 lions
2 leopards
1 Alligator
The hedgehog, parrots and elephant will take me some time to find
but I think I will first send the four lions and two leopards to you
before we proceed with the rest. Bob please send the £1,700 now so
I can send the 4 lions and 2 leopards to you. I think one of the lions
may talk a little.
Thanks,

Jack.
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four photos

Delete this at your Peril (hilarious email exchange) Part 3

From: Jack Thompson
To: Bob Servant
Subject: URGENT DETAILS PLEASE
Hello Bob,
The gold lions are all male and i have arranged for them. But Bob
can’t you see you are dragging us backwards i have been asking you
for your details for the past days now. Pls reply with the following:

Full Name
Home Address
Phone/Fax Number

Banking Details
I will be expecting the above information.
Thanks.
Jack

 


From: Bob Servant
To: Jack Thompson
Subject: OK

Jack my friend,
OK, things are now progressing. My full name is, as you know, Bob
Godzilla Servant
68 Harbour View Road,
Broughty Ferry,
Dundee
1
It’s a lovely spot Broughty Ferry, and I stay down near the river.
There’s not much traffic  which is obviously perfect, as otherwise
the lions would get rattled. Can you please send me a photo of the
lions without delay? I need to see that you definitely have access to
them, before I confirm things with that halfwit Frank.
Your friend,
Bob


From: Jack Thompson
To: Bob Servant
Subject: Details
Hello Bob,
Hope fine. The informations you gave me not complete, you only
gave me your full name and your address. I will need-Country
State
City
Zip Code
Phone Number

1  Bob does indeed live near the River Tay, and in some style, but this address
does not exist. Just in case anyone was thinking of visiting.

Bank Account
Pls give me the above information then we can proceed. As for the
lions I have to take some photographs of them before I scan and
send to you, so you have to give me some time. Pls provide me with
the remaining information Bob.

Thanks,
Jack


From: Bob Servant
To: Jack Thompson
Subject: Here you go champ
Jack my friend,
What a wonderful morning, hope it’s a belter over there in Togo also.
Zip Code –
City – Dundee
Country – Scotland
I’ll get the information from the bank later on. The Bank of Scotland
in Broughty Ferry closes early on a Wednesday so the staff can go
tenpin bowling
2
. Please get the photos of the lions to me as soon as
you can, then we can move on. I cannot wait to see those
magnificent creatures. Are they currently in captivity, or will you
actually be capturing them yourself? By Christ Jack, I wish I were
on that hunt with you my friend. Helping you. And holding you.
Yours Faithfully,
Bob G Servant


From: Jack Thompson
To: Bob Servant
Subject: Pictures of the raw lions
Hello Bob,
You didn’t include phone number or bank account. I have made
arrangement in transporting the 4 gold lions to you. I have put
photos below. One costs $299,000 so 4 will cost over $1,196,000
then the rest will be in cash. These gold lions will be bought from a
2  The Bank of Scotland in Broughty Ferry does not close early on a
Wednesday so the staff can go tenpin bowling.

friend of mine’s company. So give me your phone number for better
communication and bank information,
Thanks,
Jack

four photos


From: Bob Servant
To: Jack Thompson
Subject: You have got to be kidding?
Jack,
Sorry about the delay, I was out getting my hair done. There
appears to have been a slight misunderstanding my friend, I was
expecting four live lions, not gold ones. If I stuck four lion statues in
Frank’s zoo then he would think I’d lost the fucking plot and would
tell everyone that I’d gone mental again like when I first got the
cheeseburger van money through and wore that dinosaur poncho
for four months. The four photos you sent look great, if a little
similar, but I’m afraid that you seem to have got the wrong end of
the stick.
Bob


From: Jack Thompson
To: Bob Servant
Subject: URGENT
Hello Bob,
Hope fine. Sorry i misunderstood you, 4 live lions will be much
easier for me.
Look Bob, I went to that security company yesterday i was told
to get $4000 to process the document for retrieval of the boxes
that contains the money. I have raised $2000 so i need you to assist
me in the rest of the money. Immediately  you send the remaining
$2000 I will go to the security company so they can release the
funds and I will purchase the lions immediately. I will pay you back
the money with percentages.
This is urgent, reply immediately.
Jack


From: Bob Servant
To: Jack Thompson
Subject: No Problem
Jack,
OK, can you send me the photos of the live lions? Where are you
getting them? I will speak to the bank tomorrow, but $2,000 sounds
fine, how much is that in pounds? The exchange rates in the Dundee
Evening Telegraph are bollocks, they’re done by the same guy that
does the horoscopes
3
.
Bob


From: Jack Thompson
To: Bob Servant
Subject: HURRY BOB
Hello Bob,
Bob $2000 is £1700. Pls try to send it so I can collect the fund from
the security company and as well send the lions to you. These is the
lion’s picture below. I have made arrangement of transporting it to
you. I am buying four male lions from my friends private zoo and he
has also arranged for shipment to Scotland.
3  This is entirely untrue. Dundee’s Evening Telegraph newspaper carries a
precise reflection of the day’s exchange rates.

I will prefer you send the money through Western Union transfer,
so I can collect the fund and start shipping the lions.
Thanks,
Jack
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Delete this at your Peril (hilarious email exchange) Part 2

profit 40%

From: Bob Servant
To: Jack Thompson
Subject: Hold Tight…
Your Highness,
I have been looking at the sums again, and I have decided that I
want 40%.
And not a penny less.
Bob


From: Jack Thompson
To: Bob Servant
Subject: URGENT FROM MR JACK THOMPSON
Dear Bob,
Please let us PROCEDE. I am not greedy. I will offer you the 40%
instead of delaying the transaction. I want it done, no matter how
little it will change my life. Send your details now. Like I told you I need to meet with the security company immediately,
I await an urgent response,
Jack


From: Bob Servant
To: Jack Thompson
Subject: Taxman
Jack,
40% sounds about right. However, I do not want the money in cash,
as there is no way I could hide it. The taxman tried to turn me over
back in ’89 when I was coining it in from the cheeseburger vans, and
those bastards always come back.
Can I have my share in diamonds and gold? I can shift it
gradually through pawnshops in Lochee.
Bob


From: Jack Thompson
To: Bob Servant
Subject: URGENT
Hello Bob,
I received your mail and I guess I understand it. As for the diamond
and gold, I think I have access to raw gold. You will get your share in
some amount of cash and some valuable quantity of gold. Look Bob
you are wasting some time in forwarding your details that I need
urgently. So now that we have come to an agreement can I have the
details now please,
Thanks,
Jack


From: Bob Servant
To: Jack Thompson
Subject: Animals?
Hello Jack,
I’m afraid I just cannot take my share in cash, too dangerous. I could
take it in diamonds, gold, or livestock (lions). My neighbour, Frank
Theplank, has a private zoo. I just caught up with him in Maciocia’s chip shop where he was waiting on a bag of fifty fritters for his
monkeys. I told him a little bit about all this and he is willing to pay
$80,000 for every lion I can get him,
Bob


From: Jack Thompson
To: Bob Servant
Subject: URGENT
Hello Bob,
I understand what you mean. You don’t want the money in cash. Well
I just got in contact with a friend of mine who sells raw gold and I
can now pay you through live stock lion heads raw gold…quantity
(4). So now you need not worry about the taxman coming again you
can always keep them in your friend’s private zoo as you said.
Now I will go and arrange for them while you send me your full
details of yourself.
Jack


From: Bob Servant
To: Jack Thompson
Subject: Lions
Hi Jack my friend,
Great to hear from you again. You can get hold of 4 lions? Are they
male or female? I will speak to Frank who will undoubtedly be very
excited. Where are these lions just now?
Bob
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Delete this at your Peril (hilarious email exchange) Part 1

transfer of the moneyFrom: Bob Servant
To: Jack Thompson
Subject: Greetings
Good morning your Majesty,
I want 30%, and not a penny less,
Your Servant,
Bob Servant


From: Jack Thompson
To: Bob Servant
Subject: I will speak to the bank
Hello Bob,
See these percentages was arranged by the bank and not me. If
you insist on getting 30% of the money i have to call the bank.

Pls send your
FULL NAME.
CONTACT PHONE NUMBER.
ACCOUNT NUMBER.
COUNTRY/STATE:
I will be expecting those details.thanks.
JACK THOMPSON.


From: Bob Servant
To: Jack Thompson
Subject: Good luck with the bank
Your Majesty,
Let me know what the bank says. Tomorrow’s a bank holiday here, I
don’t know if you have the same ones? My full name is BOB
GODZILLA SERVANT.

Yours,

Bob


From: Jack Thompson
To: Bob Servant
Subject: Hello
Hello Bob,
I went to my bank. If you are now requesting 30% we have to go
back to the high court to change things. I and my family members
has added some amount upon your money provided you are going to
be serious and trustwordy. We have agreed to give you 25%. Pls i
think that is all we can do.
We need your telephone number, country, state, city and account number before we can go further.

Jack Thompson


From: Bob Servant
To: Jack Thompson
Subject: Let’s try the court
Good Morning Your Highness,

Please go to the High Court and request the 30%, I think it is a fair
figure Jacky-O.

Bob


From: Jack Thompson
To: Bob Servant
Subject: YOUR URGENT RESPONSE NEEDED

Dear Mr Bob,
In order not to waste more time I have agreed the 30% and have
notified the court and my family accordingly. Within these few days
now, I have developed that confidence in you and believe that you
will be of great assistance in perfecting this transaction.
We have to go ahead immediately. Please email me –
1.   Your address
2.   Private Telephone and Fax Numbers
3.   Banking details to enable transfer of the money to you.
I await your immediate response,

Jack Thompson

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