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Tag Archive | "Bob Servant"

Delete this at your Peril (hilarious email exchange) Part 6

LEOPARD SKINFrom: Jack Thompson
To: Bob Servant
Subject: GO TO WESTERN UNION
Hello Bob,
Sorry for what happened to you, hope you didn’t get injured. Tell
your bank to send the money through Western Union. Money
transfer to:
Name:
Country:
State/City:
Branch:
This is my very good friend name and address that is working in the
bank. You will have to set a secret Question and Answer and be sure
to send me the answer.
As for the lions you can call them any name provided you shout
when talking to them and always use the same name. And trained
leopards like the one I have for you will wear any clothes you buy for
them OK. Please send the money today,
Jack


From: Bob Servant
To: Jack Thompson
Subject: Nearly back to 100%
Hello my good friend,
Thanks so much for your kind words. I have nearly fully recovered
from the fall and have just been chilling out ever since. I’ve still got
a large bandage on my head however, and am too embarrassed to
leave the house as then I’d have to tell people how I got the injury.
The boys would love this one. If Tommy Peanuts or Chappy Williams
got hold of it I’d not be able to show my face for weeks.
I should be OK tomorrow and will nip up to the bank then. Just a
quick question about the leopard, does it look a bit like this?
Good luck my friend,
Bob

 


From: Jack Thompson
To: Bob Servant
Subject: URGENT
HELLO BOB,
I HOPE YOU ARE GETTING BETTER. I RECEIVED YOUR MAIL, SINCE
YOU SAID TODAY YOU WILL BE GOING TO THE BANK PLEASE GO
THERE RIGHT AWAY. AS FOR THE LEOPARD THE SKIN ARE ALIKE,
THAT’S THE WAY IT LOOKS LIKE, SO PLEASE TRY AS MUCH AS
YOU CAN TO RECOVER SO YOU CAN BE ABLE TO GO TO THE
BANK. I WILL BE EXPECTING YOUR REPLY SOONEST.

THANKS.

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JACK


From: Bob Servant
To: Jack Thompson
Subject: What a Let Down
Jack,
I have some bad news my friend. I have just been to the bank and
the guy there said that I cannot send you any money as I do not
have any in my account. In actual fact, it turns out that I owe them
over eight grand. I tried to explain that I needed to send you this
money for the lions and the leopard but the guy said I was a fucking
lunatic and got the security man to throw me out.
I’m really sorry Jack, I hope I haven’t wasted your time in any
way, I can’t see how I could have, but I’m afraid that the deal is off.
Good luck my friend, and good luck with the animals. If they get too
much then you’d probably be OK just releasing them?
Love,
Bob


From: Jack Thompson
To: Bob Servant
Subject: Urgent
Hello Bob,
You see do you really still need lions and leopard? I will help you out
sending it for you free but what you only have to do is to send just
$700 or $500 for shipping it to Scotland.
If you can go to another bank to send that money to me just take the money from home and tell them you want to send that
money through Western Union money transfer to that name i gave
to you earlier on. It is easy. Do it today.
Jack


From: Jack Thompson
To: Bob Servant
Subject: Urgent
Bob?


No Reply


Delete this at your Peril
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lion with black hair

Delete this at your Peril (hilarious email exchange) Part 5

lion with black hair

From: Bob Servant
To: Jack Thompson
Subject: Sounds good
Hi Jack,
I will pass on the bad news to Frank on the hedgehog front. I’m not
sure about a lion that only talks a little, I’d like one that isn’t so shy
if possible?
Bob


From: Jack Thompson
To: Bob Servant
Subject: THIS IS URGENT
Bob: This is urgent. What is hapening?? I don’t sell animals. I only
said I could get some lions to help you. Then you say you need a
leopard and I say ok. Now you are saying the lion has to talk? What
is this madness? Send me the £1700 that we agreed imeediately.
Jack


From: Bob Servant
To: Jack Thompson
Subject: Take it easy Jack
Jack,
What does the lion say when it talks? I am just checking that it
won’t get me into any fights.
Your servant,
Bob Servant


From: Jack Thompson
To: Bob Servant
Subject: THIS IS URGENT
BOB LETS GO STRAIGHT TO THE POINT. THE LIONS AND
LEOPARDS ARE HERE WITH ME AT THE BACK OF MY HOUSE THEY
ARE FRIENDLY AND ONE OF THE LION TALKS. BOB SEND ME THE £1700 SO I CAN COLLECT THAT MONEY AND SHIP THEM TO YOU.

JACK


From: Bob Servant
To: Jack Thompson
Subject: Take it easy Jack
Jack,
Things are coming along nicely. I just need to know, for Frank’s
benefit more than anything –
What are the names of the lions? (he needs to know what to call
them when they are introduced)
What does the lion say when it talks? (Again, who wants a lion that’ll
get them into scraps?)
The bank is preparing me some forms,
Bob


From: Jack Thompson
To: Bob Servant
Subject: HERE IS THE INFORMATION
Hello Bob,
We have really wasted much time. Anyway, the information you
asked for
1.   The lion with more hair is Captain
2.   The lion with black hair is Zoro
The other two do not have names you can give them names
yourself. And as for the lion that talks it’s ways of talking are
strange. It does not pronounce words well it only makes sounds.
Hope you understand now. Bob the security company has given me
a day’s grace. This is very serious, I don’t think you realise what we
are about to lose. Let me know when you will send the money and I
will give you the info for Western Union.
Jack


From: Bob Servant
To: Jack Thompson
Subject: All looking good…
Hello Jack,
Sorry about the delay. I was round at Frank’s earlier and got stuck
up a tree whilst chasing a snake, then fell off and banged my head
on a chicken. You know what it’s like. Listen Jack, the bank needs to
know which account and country the money would be going to?I had
extended discussions with Frank at Doc Ferry’s bar this evening and
he is absolutely delighted with the way things are going. He wants
to know a last couple of things –
Can he call the other lions ‘FANCY PANTS’, and ‘BRYAN’?
Do the leopards sing, and are they willing to wear clothes?
All the best babes,
Bob
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the-lion

Delete this at your Peril (hilarious email exchange) Part 4

 

From: Bob Servant
To: Jack Thompson
Subject: LION PICTURE
Jack,
Greetings my dear, dear friend. Jacky, there seems to have been
another misunderstanding. I looked at the website that is listed on
the photo of the lion you sent and it belongs a Boston-based author
and nature lover.
“I’m Tony Northrup. I live with my wife and cat in Woburn,
Massachusetts, which is about 8 miles North-West of Boston”, he
states quite clearly on his site.
Now Jack, I’m not sure if I can see the connection between yourself and Tony. Perhaps you sent the wrong photo?
Bob


From: Jack Thompson
To: Bob Servant
Subject: YOU MISUNDERSTAND
Hello Bob,
You are getting this all wrong Bob. I didn’t say that was the exact
lion, I only gave you a clue on how the lion I will send looks like. If
you want to see the exact lion I will send you must give me time to
take it and scan it.
So Bob my friend you don’t need to worry over this. This is Africa
and you well know these animals are sufficient here. My brother
even rears a cub that’s a baby lioness in his house, so Bob expect
the lion’s photograph later today. You haven’t said anything about
the money I asked for? Have you spoken to your bank? I don’t think
£1,700 should take long to send?

Thanks,
Jack


From: Bob Servant
To: Jack Thompson
Subject: OK, I get it.

Hi Jack,
Thanks so much for putting my mind at rest and letting me know
what a lion looks like. I have seen them in the past, in books and
suchlike, so already had a fair idea but you have really helped me
out there. For example, I had it in my head for some stupid reason
that lions wore spectacles.
I look forward to seeing the photo of the actual lions. I just
popped my head over the garden wall and had a word with Frank. He
was busy cleaning out his Flamengo cage but he did say that he is
very, very excited about getting hold of these lions. He has asked
me to pass on a few questions –
Are they male or female?
Are they in good physical decision?
Do they talk?
Thank you my friend, and don’t worry, I have booked in to see the bank manager tomorrow morning,
Bob


From: Jack Thompson
To: Bob Servant
Subject: URGENT
Hello Bob,
Hope fine.
Answer to the questions.
1.   The lions are all male lions and are very healthy.
2.   I don’t think I have ever seen a lion that talks.
I don’t know if you are also interested in leopards cause my friend
works in the Government Zoo and he could find a leopard for you?
Remember to speak to your bank tomorrow.
Thanks,
Jack


From: Bob Servant
To: Jack Thompson
Subject: Leopards
I have spoken to Frank. He will take two leopards as long as they are
friendly, and one elephant if you can get it? Frank is sure that he
saw a talking lion on the television once. He thinks it was either on
Songs of Praise or Bullseye. He says it reminded him of Jim McLean,
the old Dundee United manager. Are you sure you can’t get one?
I am going to the bank in two hours,
Bob


From: Jack Thompson
To: Bob Servant
Subject: URGENT
Hello Bob,

Hope fine. I can get you two leopards. They are both not adults. I will
try and see if the elephant will be possible and will see what I can do
for the lion. When you are back from bank mail me and tell me when
you are sending the money.

Thanks,
Jack.


From: Bob Servant
To: Jack Thompson
Subject: The Full List
Jack,
How are you my friend? Frank just called, he will take the following –
4 lions, 2 leopards, 1 elephant, 1 alligator, 2 parrots, 1 hedgehog.
I said you might be able to get the two leopards and the elephant.
How are you looking for the rest? And, of course, the talking lion?
Frank has a good few quid. He’s worked for me on various bits and
bobs and I’ve always looked after him so I think we should put our
necks out on this one and make sure the lions talks.
Bob


From: Jack Thompson
To: Bob Servant
Subject: URGENT
Hello Bob.
From your mail I will only be able to get

4 lions
2 leopards
1 Alligator
The hedgehog, parrots and elephant will take me some time to find
but I think I will first send the four lions and two leopards to you
before we proceed with the rest. Bob please send the £1,700 now so
I can send the 4 lions and 2 leopards to you. I think one of the lions
may talk a little.
Thanks,

Jack.
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four photos

Delete this at your Peril (hilarious email exchange) Part 3

From: Jack Thompson
To: Bob Servant
Subject: URGENT DETAILS PLEASE
Hello Bob,
The gold lions are all male and i have arranged for them. But Bob
can’t you see you are dragging us backwards i have been asking you
for your details for the past days now. Pls reply with the following:

Full Name
Home Address
Phone/Fax Number

Banking Details
I will be expecting the above information.
Thanks.
Jack

 


From: Bob Servant
To: Jack Thompson
Subject: OK

Jack my friend,
OK, things are now progressing. My full name is, as you know, Bob
Godzilla Servant
68 Harbour View Road,
Broughty Ferry,
Dundee
1
It’s a lovely spot Broughty Ferry, and I stay down near the river.
There’s not much traffic  which is obviously perfect, as otherwise
the lions would get rattled. Can you please send me a photo of the
lions without delay? I need to see that you definitely have access to
them, before I confirm things with that halfwit Frank.
Your friend,
Bob


From: Jack Thompson
To: Bob Servant
Subject: Details
Hello Bob,
Hope fine. The informations you gave me not complete, you only
gave me your full name and your address. I will need-Country
State
City
Zip Code
Phone Number

1  Bob does indeed live near the River Tay, and in some style, but this address
does not exist. Just in case anyone was thinking of visiting.

Bank Account
Pls give me the above information then we can proceed. As for the
lions I have to take some photographs of them before I scan and
send to you, so you have to give me some time. Pls provide me with
the remaining information Bob.

Thanks,
Jack


From: Bob Servant
To: Jack Thompson
Subject: Here you go champ
Jack my friend,
What a wonderful morning, hope it’s a belter over there in Togo also.
Zip Code –
City – Dundee
Country – Scotland
I’ll get the information from the bank later on. The Bank of Scotland
in Broughty Ferry closes early on a Wednesday so the staff can go
tenpin bowling
2
. Please get the photos of the lions to me as soon as
you can, then we can move on. I cannot wait to see those
magnificent creatures. Are they currently in captivity, or will you
actually be capturing them yourself? By Christ Jack, I wish I were
on that hunt with you my friend. Helping you. And holding you.
Yours Faithfully,
Bob G Servant


From: Jack Thompson
To: Bob Servant
Subject: Pictures of the raw lions
Hello Bob,
You didn’t include phone number or bank account. I have made
arrangement in transporting the 4 gold lions to you. I have put
photos below. One costs $299,000 so 4 will cost over $1,196,000
then the rest will be in cash. These gold lions will be bought from a
2  The Bank of Scotland in Broughty Ferry does not close early on a
Wednesday so the staff can go tenpin bowling.

friend of mine’s company. So give me your phone number for better
communication and bank information,
Thanks,
Jack

four photos


From: Bob Servant
To: Jack Thompson
Subject: You have got to be kidding?
Jack,
Sorry about the delay, I was out getting my hair done. There
appears to have been a slight misunderstanding my friend, I was
expecting four live lions, not gold ones. If I stuck four lion statues in
Frank’s zoo then he would think I’d lost the fucking plot and would
tell everyone that I’d gone mental again like when I first got the
cheeseburger van money through and wore that dinosaur poncho
for four months. The four photos you sent look great, if a little
similar, but I’m afraid that you seem to have got the wrong end of
the stick.
Bob


From: Jack Thompson
To: Bob Servant
Subject: URGENT
Hello Bob,
Hope fine. Sorry i misunderstood you, 4 live lions will be much
easier for me.
Look Bob, I went to that security company yesterday i was told
to get $4000 to process the document for retrieval of the boxes
that contains the money. I have raised $2000 so i need you to assist
me in the rest of the money. Immediately  you send the remaining
$2000 I will go to the security company so they can release the
funds and I will purchase the lions immediately. I will pay you back
the money with percentages.
This is urgent, reply immediately.
Jack


From: Bob Servant
To: Jack Thompson
Subject: No Problem
Jack,
OK, can you send me the photos of the live lions? Where are you
getting them? I will speak to the bank tomorrow, but $2,000 sounds
fine, how much is that in pounds? The exchange rates in the Dundee
Evening Telegraph are bollocks, they’re done by the same guy that
does the horoscopes
3
.
Bob


From: Jack Thompson
To: Bob Servant
Subject: HURRY BOB
Hello Bob,
Bob $2000 is £1700. Pls try to send it so I can collect the fund from
the security company and as well send the lions to you. These is the
lion’s picture below. I have made arrangement of transporting it to
you. I am buying four male lions from my friends private zoo and he
has also arranged for shipment to Scotland.
3  This is entirely untrue. Dundee’s Evening Telegraph newspaper carries a
precise reflection of the day’s exchange rates.

I will prefer you send the money through Western Union transfer,
so I can collect the fund and start shipping the lions.
Thanks,
Jack
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book

Delete this at your Peril (hilarious email exchange) Intro

DELETE THIS AT YOUR PERIL

One Man’s Hilarious Exchanges with
INTERNET SPAMMERS

“GENIUS! Highly entertaining and
brilliantly deranged.”-MAXIM

Bob Servant

Lions, Gold and Confusion

From: Jack Thompson
To: Bob Servant
Subject: Delete This At Your Peril

FROM HIS ROYAL HIGHNEST, JACK THOMPSON

Dear sir,

BobPermit me to inform you of my desire of going into business. I got
your name and contact from the chamber of commerce and
industry. I am JACK THOMPSON, the only son of late King Arawi of
tribal land. My father was a very wealthy traditional ruler, poisoned
to death by his rivals in the traditional tussle about royalties and
related matters.
Before his death here in Togo he called me on his sick bed and
told me of a trunk box containing $75m kept in a security company
where i amin the city of Sokode. It was because of the wealth he was
poisoned by his rivals. I now seek a foreign partner where I will
transfer the proceeds for investment as you may advise. I am willing
to offer you 20% of the sum as a compensation for your effort/
input and 5% for any expenses that may occur.
Anticipating to hear from you soon.
Thanks and God bless

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